Pretty Maids Audition

The Hospital and the Call
In the late '90s, I was at Nyborg hospital with swollen fingers. The doctors couldn't figure out why (it was later discovered to be a parasitic infection, possibly from one of my many trips to exotic parts of the world). While I was at the hospital, a nurse came and told me that someone had called, said it was important, and would call again in a quarter of an hour. The nurse brought the phone in (we didn't have mobile phones back then) and plugged it in. I waited for a moment before it rang. I answered the phone, and on the other end was Ken Hammer, whom I knew through Rick Hanson, with whom I had played before. During our many trips to Aarhus, where Rick lived, we often stopped by Horsens to visit Ken. We had many mutual acquaintances, but I was surprised why he was calling me while I was in the hospital; it must have been important... and it was, at least in my world. Ken asked directly, "How's it going?" ... "Hey, Lars... do you want to play with us? Allan has dropped out, and we need a keyboard player..." I asked, "When?" ... Ken replied, "Yeah, tomorrow?" Haha... I said I could do it once I was discharged from the hospital, and that was fine. I discharged myself to go home and go through the songs that I already knew. I had played all their songs under various circumstances, and also because I played with Rick Hanson, it was obvious to play 'Red hot & heavy' with Hammond organ. Interestingly, it was at a time when I was coding for a host of foreign companies and, on the side, writing my music (which was never recorded, but I've refreshed many of them here in 2022-24). When I was ready and had rehearsed all their songs (the ones with synths, because not all have synths), I went to Horsens.
The Attack at the Station
When I arrived at Horsens train station, I was attacked in the station tunnel between the platforms by two drunks, a big guy and a small annoying sidekick. He kicked out at me and called me a junkie, but I deflected the kick, dropped my keyboard, which lost a key so that it was only half attached. I then kicked the big guy right between the legs as hard as I could, sure that I busted his balls. He fell directly to the ground, clutching his balls. The little one tried again, acting like a rabid fox terrier. I blocked one of his punches and threw a punch to his throat. It was meant to go up into his nose, but he was drunk and ducked down, so I ended up hitting his throat so hard that he too was out of the picture. I grabbed my keyboard and ran up the stairs, and near the exit, I ran into an empty DSB restaurant on the right side. There was a waitress who was startled by my entrance. I quickly told her that I had been attacked and that they were probably after me. She quickly guided me behind a partition. She said that the two guys had stormed past and out into the square and that I should just stay where I was. She asked if she should call the police, but I said no because I had an audition with Pretty Maids. She looked at me, and she knew who Pretty Maids were. When the two idiots were gone, she offered to let me use their phone. I called Ken Hammer and explained that I had been attacked and was a little late. It didn't matter much because I was supposed to go to his apartment, and from there, we were to drive to the rehearsal room in the city.
Preparation and Audition
I knew all their songs since a friend introduced me to them many years earlier at Gertrud Rask's dormitory in Odense (he had the first album with the demons and also 'Red Hot & Heavy,' which was significantly better than the first). I think the reason they called me was that Rick Hanson had vouched for me—I played with Rick up until that time in Nyborg along with the later drummer Mike Fast, so I think Michael had also mentioned me, but it was before his time with them. I had refreshed their songs the day before, and it went okay, though I couldn't hear myself. As mentioned, I knew their songs well enough to play them in my sleep. When I was there, they had just recorded 'Jump the Gun' ('Lethal Heroes' in the USA). The second time I went up there, I recorded the intro to 'Lethal Heroes' on my Atari using only the JX-3P... even though the sounds weren't quite the same, Zumme (Paul aka. Ronnie Atkins) liked it. He listened from the hallway and came in, seemingly surprised that I had taken the time to do it, given that it was only an audition... But they called me back again; they probably had a lot of people trying out during that time. I was called in a couple more times, and during that period, Ken had moved out to a large house on Koralvej in Horsens, where I slept on his sofa. I didn't have a penny on me, and when Ken left to run errands in Aarhus, I had to find something to eat. I'm not the type to rummage through people's things, so I grabbed a bunch of dry spaghetti and ate it raw. I know from experience that spaghetti expands after a while. I've learned this from being a Greenlander without money in Denmark. When it was luxurious, they were cooked, and you got ketchup on them, and if it was really special, there was mustard too.
The End of the Journey
Ken drove me to the rehearsal room early because he had some errands in Aarhus, I think. Here I was, all alone in the rehearsal room without a key. In a backroom of their rehearsal space, there were tons of deposit bottles, so I thought I could allow myself to borrow a few bags. It was back when liter bottles were glass, so I filled two or three bags with them. I knew there was a supermarket nearby, but without a key, it was a bit tricky. I found a stick and set it between the door so it wouldn't lock and went to the store, where I bought some cigarettes (a 10-pack), some discounted cold cuts, and water. It was a bit of a gamble because if there had been thieves, they would have had free access to a lot of expensive gear—but hey, I had a good feeling, and fortunately, nothing happened. Henrik (Moorhead), the former drummer, drove me to the station so I could catch the last train to Fyn. On the train, I was in the last car and ran into some Nazi guy—at least he had a swastika on his arm, and he was pretty intrusive, grilling me about where I was from. I had an old trick from before and told him I was from Ireland (I had worked in Dublin in the early '80s and could easily throw out some words). He bought it and then asked why I had a keyboard with me. I just casually said that I had just bought it used and didn't know if it worked (the key was still missing). I couldn't get rid of him, and then he pulled out vodka from a backpack and asked if we were going to party... sure, I said, and we sat there singing Irish drinking songs for an hour until I had to get off at Nyborg. I had to go to Horsens again after a while, and I was to attend a party being held at Ken's new house... I don't remember much from that evening/night, but I did get home. My fingers had started swelling again, so I talked to my dad about what I should do. He advised me to be honest and not put them in a situation where I might have to cancel if I joined. I then called Ken and explained that I was having the same problem as the day he called and that I unfortunately had to back out completely. Ken thought it was a shame but was very understanding, and we hung up. Only after 30+ years have I started again, at least with my own songs from back then... they speak for themselves.