Forged, Not Raised
Some of us are shaped by sunshine and playgrounds. Others, like me, are forged in the fire of things kids shouldn’t have to witness. And that changes you - not just on the surface, but deep inside your wiring. It makes you act, see, and sense the world in ways others don’t. It also makes some people uncomfortable.
The Signs Were Always There
From an early age, I noticed the signs life was giving me. I learned to read people - prima donnas in music, girlfriends with patterns, friends who wore masks. I saw what was coming. Many people don't. And worse, they don't want to. They follow some bizarre playbook of denial - and when you don’t play along, you become the problem in their eyes.
Judged for the Family Name
I was treated differently from the start. School inspectors acted like they had authority over my soul - not because of what I’d done, but because of which family I came from. One of those so-called inspectors became a politician later, the kind of guy who yells at you for “dwelling on the past.” Only guilty people say that. The past teaches. Denying it is how history repeats itself.
Human Nature Doesn’t Change
You can’t ignore human nature. It doesn’t change. And if you pretend otherwise, you’re just easy prey for the same cycles of abuse and failure we’ve seen a thousand times before.
Violence, Cowards, and Truth
Where I grew up, things could get violent - fast. I was shot at as a kid by drunk, delusional men who couldn’t handle their own wrecked lives. My mother was a judge, and in a tight-knit place where everyone’s someone’s cousin, that brought both respect and trouble. The ones who hated us? They didn’t have the guts to face what they’d done, so they blamed the judge’s kids. Cowards with fists and broken souls.
I Never Backed Down
But I didn’t back down. Not even from men twice my size. Not even when they tried to break into our house while my father was overseas handling international affairs. Something told me that Saturday night would be different. I had that feeling again - not just intuition. Something deeper. I’ve had it since I was a kid, since the day I decided fear wasn’t going to own me anymore.
Prepared for War
I loaded my dad’s .38 rifle, just in case. I set up a .22 with a full mag and spares. I hid a shotgun behind coats near the entry. When they came, I was ready. I didn’t wait. I fired through the main door. They never came back. And I went to school the next morning like nothing had happened. That’s the kind of kid I was. Not because I wanted to be - but because life demanded it.
No More Fear
From that moment on, I was done with fear. I’d seen the worst of people, and I knew what survival required. Many of my friends had no clue what that meant. Some had it rough in other ways, sure - but few carried that kind of weight before they turned 8.
Calling It Like It Is
Later, in music and life, I had no tolerance for negativity. In bands, I called things out directly. If someone showed repeat patterns in a relationship, I cut it short - on the spot. I didn’t waste time on people who thought the world owed them something.
The Secret Life
And while they played their little games, I worked silently. In the shadows. Coding for the Swedish military. Advanced systems, weapon tech - things people didn’t even think I could pull off. I let them talk. I stuck to my “official” story. Nobody knew who I really was until 2021, when I decided it was time to tell the truth. That I had been someone. That the rumors weren’t myths - they were chapters waiting to be published.
Legacy, Not Revenge
I didn’t come back to prove anything to the doubters. I came back to document my past. To leave something real for my daughter. But I won’t lie - seeing the faces of those who thought I was gone for good? That was a bonus.
Always One Step Ahead
Even now, I run into people who try their games. The ones who think manipulation or deceit still works. But they find out quick that I’ve seen it all before - and I’ve always been a step ahead.
The Fearless Mind
Because once you’ve stared down death, betrayal, and violence, nothing shallow can touch you. You don’t flinch. You don’t fear. You see.
And You Keep Moving
And you keep moving forward.